I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
