your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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