Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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