Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
and you fell through a lawn chair
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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