Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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