Sry I called you an 8
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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