Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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