Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
