He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm at about main and main street
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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