I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
