so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
