Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
