i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
