He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
