someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
