he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
