i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
