And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
