I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
