Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
