I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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