tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
