the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
