she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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