I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
