Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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