i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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