the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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