Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
