If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
