She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
