I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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