you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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