Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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