awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
