can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
