He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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