There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
