Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
