I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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