maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize