im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
