You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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