HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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