Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
