I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
