I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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