one two three fourrrrnication!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's rum buckets o'clock
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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