I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you traded sex for a burrito?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
