fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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