I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
