Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
