i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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