5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
