I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
