went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
