Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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