its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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