"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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