I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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