Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
