I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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