Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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