Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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