and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
