i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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