where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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