i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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