I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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