Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
