Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My dick has a subreddit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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