I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
there is glitter all over my balls
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
