ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
