Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize